coincidentally reading pale fire and under albany at the same time and thinking about how amorphous memories are. s (hi s!) recalling my abandoning a house to a spider which i forget but it's in a poem now, not mine, so i guess it's the case. as if how one's person gets revealed and withheld from one's own creative work, the nabakov and silliman have me thinking that it's a much more intresting question of how much of one's "self" is to be developed and withheld in reading someone else's work. example:

"if the function of writing is to 'express the world'"

what would it mean if i also wrote a memoir under silliman's albany? maybe my story is no less present here or under my own poems or sawako's or jesse's or chuck's or drew's or stacy's or tracy's or paul's or brenda's or erin's or jen's or tom's or peter's or hoa's or claude's or lissa's or mark's or alan's or roberto's or jordan's or kristin's or rachel's or elizabeth's or rodrigo's or james's or lee ann's or lisa's or jim's or joseph's or lew's or anne-marie's or robert's or john's or george's or eric's or gertrude's or laura's or patrick's or renee's or anne's or lyn's or tsering's or ange's or kimberly's or jacques's or leslie's or corey's or jessica's or juliana's or harryette's or rod's or jennifer's or dana's or ray's or erica's or kaia's or anna's or jackson's or tina's or bernadette's or craig's or trey's or pam's or charles's or lorine's or mei-mei's or sarah's or rosmarie's or margaret's or april's or c.d.'s or laynie's or david's or cole's. i first started to see my story under warhol's silver clouds. in their slow movements new shapes were made of the room, its negative space, not themselves. though they did reflect the people who entered and exited.